Cat and Mouse
by beautychaotic
Summary: Lost and Delirious fic. Mouse's anxieties about relationships and her exroommates are still very present when she returns to school the next year. And an openly lesbian roommate named Kat doensn't help. How will Mouse react?
1. How Things Began

_It's me and Paulie, in the middle of the woods. She's calling out to the hawk. But the hawk, the raptor, it isn't a bird anymore. Paulie disappears, because she _is_ the hawk. They are one. The hawk swoops down to me and it becomes a dark cloud growing larger in my sight. Larger…larger…_

"Mary! Mary we're going to be late, get out of bed!" my stepmother screeches up the stairs. I groan and throw the covers off violently. My uniform is folded neatly on the chair beside my bed. I'm glad; I realized I hadn't washed it. My stepmother must have.

The drive to school felt so different than last year. Last year, I was a terrified little mouse. This year…. I wasn't sure exactly what I was. Like I was under a magic spell that kept shifting my shape. One moment I was a tiger, the next a fat guinea pig waiting for a raptor to swoop down and peck out my insides.

"Mary!" I was at the school and didn't even notice. There was Cordelia, waving like an idiot. I smiled sheepishly and opened the car door.

She met me with a light hug. I returned. My father carried my bags while my stepmother talked to different teachers down the hall. Cordelia was cynically cackling about some "fresh meat". I remembered that used to be me.

"Hey, I'm gonna go down and see who my room mate is. I hear yours is a new girl. Are you in the same room as last time?" She said, and my head shot up.

I looked at the sheet crumpled in my hand.

"Yes, it…it um, looks like I am."

"Cool! I'll come up and visit you sometime in the Penthouse. Catch ya at dinner." She waved and disappeared.

"Hey Dad, I'll take it from here." Reaching out I softly removed my trunk from under his arm.

"Goodbye Mary." He nodded at me. No hug, no handshake. Just a nod.

Walking up the stairs things flooded back to me. Tears formed behind my eyes but I just clenched my teeth and kicked open the door. Someone shrieked.

"God, you scared me!" A girl flew back from the sink. Our eyes met. Something rushed through me like hot water.

She had shorn brunette hair that stopped directly at her chin. Her face was smooth and rough at the same time, her body strong and solid. The eyes she caught me with were an almost orange, like a tiger's.

"Oh, I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." I looked down and my hair fell in front of my face.

"Don't worry about it, I'm really jumpy." She had a crooked smile on her face. She stepped forward and extended her hand. "Hey, I'm Kat."

"Hi, I'm Mary. People call me Mouse."

She laughed. "Wow…Cat and Mouse. Isn't that cute?"

I beamed, deliciously aware of her palm against mine.


	2. A what?

Cordelia and Kara pulled me away from the room only minutes after I'd been able to put my trunk down on my old bed. Kat had chosen Tori's old bed. Paulie's remained empty.

At dinner I sat with the girls I used to when all of us sat together: me, Paulie, and Tori. Kara had begun to follow us since last year, now she was a part of the group, flicking mashed potatoes across the table.

When I got back to the room that night, Kat was curled up on the bed in a bathrobe. The side of it had slipped and if I tilted my head, I could see her nipple. Electricity buzzed on my skin and I whipped my head away.

"Uh, Kat… You should probably put on some clothes, you're gonna get the bed wet."

She blinked sleepily at me and a grin spread across her face. Yawning, she stood up and met my eyes. The bathrobe fell to the floor. So did my jaw.

"Oh, sorry, I have like zero modesty. Do you mind?"

"It's fine." I slipped on my T-shirt over my pale white blouse and felt my hands shake. Underneath the print of Minnie Mouse, I unbuttoned the shirt and slipped out of it, keeping the T shirt on. Kat walked over and sat down at the edge of my bed, clothed in a wifebeater and shorts. My mind wouldn't stray from the image of her naked form.

"Uh hey."

"Yeah?" I looked up.

"If we're gonna be roommates I think there's something you should know…"

Her hands clasped together. She raised her face and kept my gaze.

"I'm a lesbian."


	3. Sob Story

"A lesbian? Oh…uh ok."

"So you don't mind?"

"No." I backed up against the headboard.

She laughed in a low voice and shot me a glare. "Then why are you writhing away from me?"

"The girls I used to live with, they…" I stopped. Should I be telling her this?

"Were lesbians?" her head leaned forward.

"They loved each other. One was Tori, she was pretty straight laced. And Paulie… she was wild. Tori slept where you did, Paulie was in the far bed. Though they almost always ended up in Tori's bed together."

Her smile warmed the chilled parts of me. "What happened to them? Are they still in school here?"

"Tori's at another school and…" Tears welled up. "And Paulie jumped off the building by the soccer field after Tori broke up with her." The tears flooded out and I felt Kat's hand against my arm.

"God, I'm sorry." She pulled me a little and I collapsed forward into her chest. Her arms around me felt warm and secure. My body racked with sobs.

She leaned me back onto the pillow and wrapped her arms around me from the side. She just kept kissing my forehead, hugging me tighter


	4. Dirt is Good

I think that some connections don't take time. Sometimes, just being around someone can pull you closer. You know each other without even trying; you trust each other without having to test it. That's how me and Kat were: we just connected. During school we didn't really talk, though. I was with Cordelia and Kara, she was with some of the more "punk" girls who were here as a last resort before military school. But when we got back to the room at night, we were together. Kat's parents were very well off, and had purchased her a large TV for the dorm. They'd also thrown in a Playstation. Most nights we'd end up playing Tekken or some skateboarding game. Kat loved the more competition games: button-mashers, she called them. Fighting, sports, sometimes racing. I'd never been much in favor of video games, but slowly I got into them. She showed me how everything worked, which buttons did what and what happened when they mixed, before we played any game. I liked that. I wanted to know those things. When we played a new game, Kat wouldn't even glance at the directions. She liked to just put the game in, press play, push buttons and see what happened. I would watch her for an hour or two, just watching her fingers click at rapid speeds and her eyes glaze over as she watched cars explode on the screen.

"3 K.O.! I win again!" She yelled, throwing the controller towards Paulie's bed.

"I can never get the hang of this." I shook my head and set the controller down on the bed gingerly.

"Its because you insist on being the Panda. I taught you the moves for the other dude."

"But I _like_ the Panda!" She laughed and I smiled.

"Crazy." She clicked her tongue. "But a cute kinda crazy."

Her wink made me blush furiously. I ducked my head, then felt her fingers brushing against my hair. They were twitching slightly.

"You'd look really cool with highlights, Mouse." her voice was quiet and her eyes insistent.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I could get my parents to send me some bleach, I was thinking of doing my hair again." She shook out her brown locks.

"Your hair was blonde?"

"For forever. I liked it better blonde, but it looked a little too 'rocker chick' for my parent's liking, so I dyed it back to boring brown."

"I…I like it that color. It's not boring."

"What is it then?"

"It's…it's the color of soil, right after a freeze when its getting sun."

For a moment she just stared into my eyes, a smile spreading across her face like the sun rising on the horizon. Then she burst out laughing.

"You just compared my hair to _dirt_! That's not a good color!" She giggled.

"No, no, I'm a gardener: dirt is good!"

"Dirt is good…" She repeated, her laughing subdued. "Dirt is good."


	5. A Snowcovered refuge and a refusal

The school year was whizzing by. This year I had a lot less distraction, so I could really focus on my studies. I was doing surprisingly well. It had gotten colder, and it would soon be time for our Christmas break. A few girls were staying, and I found out in a call from my father that I would be one of them.

"I can't _believe _he's making me stay here on Christmas!" I yelled, storming in. Kat jumped up off her bed and came over to me.

"I'm sorry, Mouse." she cooed softly.

I was standing at the sink, glaring at the mirror. Her strong hands were clasped around my shoulders, which I was very aware of as I tried to keep my tears inside.

"Hey, I was gonna take you tomorrow…but it's not that late. You feel like going on a walk?"

"A walk? To where?"

She grinned, I couldn't tell if it was hopeful or malicious. "You'll see."

I was nervous, but excited at the same time. I put on the leather coat I'd been given for my birthday and my blue fuzzy mittens. Looking down at them, I suddenly felt embarrassed and stuffed them into my jacket pocket.

Kat led me down the familiar paths that Tori, Paulie, and I used to go running on. The moon was a sliver in the sky and I could barely make out Kat's bright red blazer.

"Kat…Kat, I can't see."

"I'll help you." I felt her warm fingers against my coat and found her right hand with my left one. Our strides slowed to mirror each other's, and I entwined my hand with hers. A smile flushed over my face.

"Here we are." She let go of my hand and spread her arms. We were at the edge of a small clearing by a slight drop-off. The drop-off revealed rolling hills, and the flickering light of a nearby town. In the middle was a fire pit with a few logs around it.

"What do you think?"

"It's pretty." I replied, then watched the smoke of my breath disappear into the air.

"Just wait till I get the fire started!" She shot off into the woods, leaving me alone in the middle of the clearing. I looked out over the drop-off and watched the flickering of the town, like a bunch of little fireflies in the distance. Sometimes when I was at school, it seemed like there was no other world beyond ours. Everything seems so significant and magnified. But then I looked down there, and remembered that there was another whole world of people out there. I honestly didn't know if that was comforting or depressing.

"God, is there any forest left?" I asked when Kat came back with a huge armful of logs.

"Oh, hush." She dumped them into the fire pit and pulled some paper out of her pocket. The way she set up the fire was…masterful. It was as if she understood where every stick was supposed to go, exactly how to stack the logs. When she was done she pulled some paper from her pocket, rolled it up, lit one end and shoved it into the base of the pile. Slowly, the small sticks began to catch flame.

"C'mon, sit down." She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me down onto one of the logs. We just sat there for a moment, watching the fire catch. She retracted from me suddenly and slipped off her coat, revealing a t-shirt with a thermal shirt underneath.

"How are you not freezing?" I exclaimed, looking at her slender body.

"I was running around in the woods for like half an hour, got my body temperature up. I could strip down more and still be fine!"

"Yeah right." I laughed.

"You want me to prove it." She stood and flung off her t-shirt, then the thick thermal shirt underneath. There she was in nothing but a black bra, half her body illuminated by firelight. My eyes were wide, and I felt my pulse pound. I was so hyper-aware of everything. The heat emanating from the fire, my frail cold body, the way her eyes were gazing at me predatorily.

Feeling braver than I had in some time, I took off my jacket and threw it near her pile of clothes. Getting up, I stripped off my tee and undershirt. After my small burst of bravery, I withered again, and wrapped my arms around my waist, looking away towards the fire.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"Why?" I moved my arms defiantly.

"Because now you're even more freezing than before." She laughed and walked to me. We were centimeters apart and her eyes were burning into me. Raising her hands, she slipped them around me to spread across my back. Nervous, mine stayed crossed at my chest. Then, slowly, I moved them to wrap around her. She relaxed into me and me into her, my head burying into the crook of her neck. Her skin was so soft and warm, her scent was comforting and sweet, everything about her melted me. This… holding her, having her arms around me, our bare skin touching everywhere, it felt right. Images flushed into my brain.

_Darkness in the room, but I can see their naked bodies, glowing pale. Touching everywhere. Moans erupt. Their skin is melding together, they brush and bump against each other_.

That memory was almost a good thing. Until everything else came into my brain. The broken Tori, the dead Paulie. The fact that they would never touch again…

This couldn't be right. I pulled away from Kat and she smiled at me, her head leaning in towards me. She wanted to kiss me!

Terrified, I swooped down and grabbed my coat, then rushed into the woods like a frightened animal that had just stared down the barrel of a hunter's gun.


	6. If you want that

When I got back into the room, I fell to the floor, shaking with sobs. I don't know why but at that moment I missed Paulie like this force inside me. It made no sense. The girl horrified me. But I knew what it was: she turned me from a mouse into Mary Brave. She brought me out of my shell, at least a little.

Its hard when you feel a million emotions at once. Every feeling inside me was so strong, but there were just so many. My confused longing for Kat, my despair over Paulie, my pure fear of something I could barely name. I didn't want to be like Paulie and Tori. I _couldn't_ be. I couldn't deal with all that pain, that insanity.

Kat burst into the door, wheezing and tear-streaked. She saw me curled up on the floor and rushed over.

"I'm sorry, Mouse. God I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Did I scare the shit out of you or something? I'm sorry." She was crying and it made me long for her touch more. I lunged forward and enveloped her in a tight embrace. She picked me up off the floor, her strong arms securing me. Setting me down on her bed, she retracted and stared into my eyes. "Mouse, we gotta talk."

I took a deep breath to get myself together. "I know."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Why?"

I held back tears again, but they kept coming. "Because I'm scared. Because I must have hurt you, running away like that!"

"Scared of what?"

"This!" I cried, my voice breaking.

"What's this?" Her voice stayed steady and persistent.

"Us. This. Becoming something. Like… a relationship."

"So I guess you figured out I liked you, huh? I'm sorry man. If you're straight…feel free to get another room or something. I'll move out even. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." She smiled sincerely.

"It's not that I…I might want it. But..." my voice cracked. "My one model of a girl-girl relationship wasn't that wonderful. I mean, one of them was a near-psycho who killed herself, the other was too terrified to admit anything."

"Mouse." she said, gently placing her hand on my face. "Not every lesbian relationship is like that. I'm not a psycho, I promise you. Mouse, we can be different. We _will_ be different. I mean, if you want that…"

"I'm not sure what I want."

"Then take some time, decide-"

With all the bravery that I could ever muster, I leaned forward and almost kissed her. But I wavered at the last second and gave her a lingering peck on the cheek. I could feel her smile.


	7. Conversations with a Gardener

Kat and I whirled into coy flirting over the next week. We were always shyly holding hands or cuddling in some way. Before bed every night she'd kiss my forehead, and I'd kiss her nose in return. Cute little things like that.

Christmas was drawing near and I knew I wanted to get Kat something great. The problem was: what? I couldn't get to the nearby town, we were forbidden from leaving without an escort. One afternoon while wandering the grounds, I got an idea.

I saw the gardener I'd spent so much time with last year, and walked over.

"Hey." I said quietly, and he looked up.

"Hello there. Haven't seen you much this year…"

"I've been working pretty hard in school, spending a lot of time up in my room."

He nodded. "What's up then?"

"Do you live by the town?"

"Yeah, right on the outskirts. Why?"

"If…If I gave you money, could you buy something for me? I need to get my…friend a Christmas gift."

"Yeah, sure. Just bring it to me and give me a description of what you want, and its yours. Don't worry, I won't rip you off."

"Thank you!" I said, smiling as I ran off towards the room.


	8. Christmas Kiss

On Christmas morning, I was awoken by the distinct smell of hot cocoa. I rose in bed and saw Kat, smiling. She held a tray with two hot mugs on it and a plate of cookies. On her head was a Santa hat.

"Merry Christmas, Mouse." She said. I beamed at her and took a mug, sipping it slowly. "Do you want your present now or later?"

"Now!" I replied playfully. We walked over to the window, where Kat had set up the miniature Christmas tree her parents had sent her. Underneath it were two perfectly wrapped gifts. The red one was my gift to her, the green-and-blue patterned one was hers to me. We both picked them up.

"Who first?"

"You go."

She ripped into the wrapping paper, spreading it over the floor. Then, setting down the small box on the floor, she opened it and pulled out the gift I'd gotten her. Her eyes lit up.

It was hard to find, according to the gardener, but he managed to get it. In a cheap frame was a black-and-white photograph of a cat and mouse, nose to nose. I'd seen it months before in a mass-market store and remembered it when I was trying to think of gifts.

"Mouse, it's so cute! OK, you've gotta open yours."

Nervous, I slowly unwrapped the box. It was small and fit in the palm of my hand. A velvet box was inside and I snapped it open. Glittering in the Christmas sun was a silver necklace, with a crooked heart hanging from it. One side of the heart was traced with beautiful stones that I assumed were diamonds; I hadn't had much experience with precious gems.

"Wow, it's so gorgeous." I ran my fingertips along the edges of the heart, my own swelling with joy.

"Put it on! I wanna see you in it, beautiful."

I slipped it out of the box and she clasped it on for me. Somehow we'd ended up standing. I embraced her tightly, verging on tears. I don't think anyone had ever been so sweet to me, besides my mother. And this was something totally new and different I just wasn't used to.

I was feeling lighter than the dust floating by the open window. I was awakening, parts of me I'd forgotten were buzzing to life. Happy energy drifted over me as her hands entwined with mine. She tilted her head and leaned closer to me. Shaking, I stepped forward. Without warning her lips rushed to mine, warm and moist and soft.

For a few seconds, everything was forgotten, everything was us. Our lips moving slowly, tentatively. Her hand through my hair, her breath on my cheek. I was falling so fast it was like I wasn't moving at all.


	9. Return of the Raptor

Christmas Day was just about the best day of my life. After gift exchange and that amazing kiss, we got some breakfast with the other girls and checked our mailboxes for gifts from our parents. I got a few sweaters, a cheap bracelet, and a clock radio. Kat got three new Playstation games and a suede coat from Italy.

For most of the day we played like little kids. We ran outside in the snow, making forts and snow angels and having snowball fights. I was so winded and cold, but so unbelievably happy. Kat decided we should go out and have a fire, so we started walking through the woods, arms tightly wound around each other. Suddenly a shadow passed over the path and a call sounded out.

"What the-" Kat yelled when the hawk set down in front of us. "Mouse get back!"

"No, its ok. It won't hurt us."

"Mouse it's a wild raptor!"

"It's Paulie!" As soon as the words escaped me, I clapped my hand up to cover my mouth.

"What?"

"It was Paulie's. She taught it to fly, to come to her call."

"You said it _was_ Paulie." Her eyes were stern.

"That's not what I meant."

The raptor cried out, then leaped into the sky again. Kat and I walked forward in an awkward silence. When we got to our spot, she got the fire started and sat down beside me.

"Mouse… what was going on back there? You called that raptor Paulie."

"I know." I took a deep breath. "Kat…Paulie took care of that raptor, and when she died it flew off into the sky, like it was her soul."

She smiled. "That's beautiful. But I have to ask…"

"Yes?"

"Mouse, were you in love with her?"

The question knocked me to my feet. In love with Paulie? Could that be possible? I was so naïve, I could have loved her and not known. But no… this, with Kat, this was the start of love. Paulie, it was all about fear and wonder.

"No. I wasn't. I know I wasn't."

"I can tell you think about her, though,"

I tilted my head. "How?"

"You stare at her bed."

I'd never noticed that.

"I miss her." I sighed.

"Why?"

"She…" I sighed again. Her arm wound tight around me. "I wasn't much before I was with her. She showed me love…crazy, psychotic, uncontrollable love. She showed me bravery, heartbreak."

"I understand." she smiled and kissed me. "Sorry, I guess…I had a twinge of jealousy."

"For a dead girl?" I couldn't believe the words had come from my mouth.

"For the girl who got to show you the world. I want to do that."

"Go ahead."

She kissed me again and lingered. I felt warmth pulsing with my blood, and it wasn't from the nearby fire.


	10. The Breakdown

Time passes quickly in love. Kat and I… we were bound together. In school we kept everything normal, I didn't want rumors. But when we were back in the room, it was nothing but flirting, cuddles, kisses. No one really suspected, and if they did, they didn't really inform us. One night, I was out late, staying after class to get help in math and then I stayed in Cordelia's room for a while. When I got back, Kat was dozing on Paulie's bed, a book in hand. Her face was flushed.

I walked over and saw the book in her hand. It was something about lesbians…I couldn't see the title well. For some reason that just struck a chord in me. I was already slightly angry from Cordelia's persistent questioning of mine and Kat's relationship. Kat stirred slightly and looked up at me and jumped.

"Jeez Mouse, a little dark and menacing aren't we?" she shut her eyes and yawned.

"Sorry."

Her eyes grew narrow. "What's up? You seem…angry…"

"What are you reading?" I stood straight and still, and she slowly got up to a sitting position.

"Oh, its _How to be a Happy Lesbian_, my friend got it for me for my birthday one year." She laughed and turned it over in her hands.

"Why are you on Paulie's bed?"

"Mine was too uncomfortable to read on, hers in the corner so I can prop myself up. Why are you so pissy tonight?"

I didn't even want to answer. I just walked to the opposite side of the room, slipped off my shoes, and climbed into bed. But as soon as I'd clicked off the lamp she turned it right back on.

"What the hell is up with you?" she seemed angry, but genuinely concerned.

"I get back from fighting with Cordelia about mine and yours relationship and you're reading a lesbian book and asleep on my dead ex-roomate's bed." I rolled over and she ran to the other side.

"I'm sorry I got on Paulie's bed, I didn't think it'd make you so angry." She reached for my hand and I writhed away, falling out of bed clumsily. But when she tried to help me up I slapped her hand away.

"Don't!"

"Don't _what_ Mouse? Touch you? What the hell is wrong with you tonight!?"

"Just _don't_!" I screamed and tried to run but she grabbed me. She truly grabbed me, her arms flying around my waist and shoulder and dragging me back.

"No, you are going to talk to me and tell me what's wrong! I'm not gonna have you getting so pissed at me and won't even speak to me or let me touch you. Can…" she took a breath. "Can we just talk?"

I started to cry and she tried to pull me to her, but I threw her arms off of me. Then I ran across the room and leaped onto Paulie's bed. Behind me I heard Kat groan in anger and storm out of the room, slamming the door.

I just cried and beat on Paulie's mattress until my hands were aching. Why did she have to die? Why did Tori have to break up with her? Why did Paulie have to be so damn insane? Why did they have to be lesbians? Why did _I _have to be one?

Everything hurt and I didn't even know why. I felt so horrible for pushing Kat away. But I was still scared. I'd been so charmed by and sympathetic of Paulie, I couldn't leave. I could yell at her and be confused and cry, but I always wanted to help and protect her. And the one time I could've saved her… I stood below and watched her fall and smack onto the cold, hard ground.


	11. Ready for Anything

In the morning I turned and opened my eyes, only to shut them in pain. Crying all night had left them sore and the direct light from the window didn't help. I sat up and saw Kat sitting on her bed, facing away from me.

"Kat…" I whispered, my voice hoarse.

She turned her head slowly. "Yes?"

"I…I'm so sorry." I gulped, afraid of crying again.

"OK."

She was angry. I would be too.

"Kat." I stood up and walked over to her. I sat on the bed and reached for her hand, but she withdrew.

"Don't."

"Kat, just let me try and explain…"

"Do you have any idea how hurtful that was? You get so pissed at me for _no reason_ then won't even let me touch you and start screaming at me!"

"I'm sorry! That was wrong and stupid and I shouldn't have done it." I looked down and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Then why did you?"

"Because I'm terrified." I choked on the word but I had to say it.

"Of what, Mouse?" she touched my face lightly.

"Of you being Paulie." There! I had said it! What I could barely admit to myself. That was where my fears were.

"I'm not."

"How do I know? How do I know that I won't get scared and withdraw and then you'll go all psycho and jump off a building?" I started crying and she leaned forward and wrapped herself around me.

"Because, Mouse, I love you, and I think you love me too. I look at you…I know you're scared, I know its frightening, but its love. And even if you leave I'm not going to throw myself off the roof. Love's supposed to be wild and idiotic sometimes, but not insane. I'm not crazy, Mouse."

"I…" I kissed her softly, running my hands along her back. "I do love you. I really do."

"I love you too, Mouse. Truly." she nuzzled against my face.

We looked into each other's eyes for some time, then she playfully pulled me back as she leaned back and laid down. I wrapped myself around her and she kept her strong arms on my back and arms. I could hear her heartbeat drumming against my ear, fast but calm. She looked down, kissed my forehead, and whispered that she loved me again and again.

And that's when it just washed over me. Kat wasn't Paulie, and I wasn't Tori. Kat was Kat and I was Mouse. We were completely different people, and we wouldn't follow the same paths. What happened with Paulie and Tori was something unchangeable, like a tree being struck by lightning and falling to its death. But just because that happened doesn't mean the tree next to it will die too. I looked at Kat and I knew that we were different. I knew that we were in love and that nothing could change that.

We were a cat and mouse, nose to nose, heart to heart, and ready for anything.


End file.
